Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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