I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
