Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
