what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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