My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
