Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
