we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize