I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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