Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Randomize