I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's never too late to be topless.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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