Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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