I'm going to jail i love you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
