apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
