Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize