Swine flu. Run for my life!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
