Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
