Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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