no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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