so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize