Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
