Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
