I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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