This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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