We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
