i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
