FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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