just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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