So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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