So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
