well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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