Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Still dying that you shit outside
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
