their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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