You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This baby is an asshole
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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