i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
