Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
