he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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