my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
