i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
