The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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