you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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