I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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