Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
