you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
