upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
