well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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