He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
