I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
