Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
