remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
