Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dignity is for republicans.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
