I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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