Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
