Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your penis caused this!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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