I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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