we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize