His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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