Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
