If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
