I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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