A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
