Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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