im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
