Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
