I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
