OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
