she looked like the before picture.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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