your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can Purell be used as lube?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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