It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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