Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
