We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
