My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize