i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
